


Mad World

by feentanz



Series: One Shots [24]
Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, because apparently i never write anything else, jealous!nikolai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21904216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feentanz/pseuds/feentanz
Summary: But her silence had told the Darkling enough. “Did you seduce him like you did me, Zoya?” he purred, eyes dangerously dark. “Did you charm him into loving you?” Zoya didn’t dare to even glance at Nikolai, her gaze fixed on the Darkling. Never breaking her stare. She was suddenly ice cold, all anger having washed away by the memory which had come with those words.
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky
Series: One Shots [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/594364
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	Mad World

Zoya watched silently as Tamar brought the Darkling into the war room, his eyes bound, and his mouth still gagged. She pulled off the blindfold first, her gaze cool and calculated. Zoya wondered how she did it. 

She could already feel her own anger rising to the surface, just from being in the same room as him. The shadow of her nightmares. The monster she could never really escape from. 

Nikolai was next to her, arms crossed and expression thoughtful. He was watching the Darkling just as attentively. This time, Zoya could not guess his thoughts. 

Tamar pulled the gag out of the Darkling’s mouth, retreating. Zoya clenched her jaw as she stared into those gray eyes, the eyes which had haunted her nightmares. And her worst murderous fantasies. This time, it would be her who held the knife. 

The Darkling’s lips had spread into a smile. “It feels good to be back,” he remarked, his eyes darting through the room. 

_ Looking for Genya,  _ Zoya thought. But Genya had stayed away, for now. Instead Zoya felt his gaze returning to herself. She lifted her chin, ignoring her own uneasiness. “How do we rid Nikolai of the monster?” she asked. She wasn’t interested in chit chat. 

He raised a brow. “What makes you assume there is a way?” His smile never wavered. 

Zoya huffed. He was trying to bait her. And sadly, it was working. “Because if there isn’t I might as well send you right back to hell.” There was too much hatred behind the words. Too much emotion. 

Nikolai shot her a warning glance.  _ No threats,  _ he had told her. 

The Darkling looked hardly impressed. “Your temper hasn’t cooled down,” he commented, and for a moment his smirk was wicked. “Just as I like my women.”  
  
Zoya felt like throwing up. She stepped closer, under Nikolai’s warning gaze at her back. He was baiting her, and she was playing right into his cards, but her anger had long slipped its leash. She could feel the dragon roaring beneath her skin. “How do we get rid of the monster you planted?” she repeated. 

“Is it  _ we  _ now?” The Darkling remarked, eyes glittering. “He already charmed you into obedience, Zoya?” 

“Do I need to ask again?”  _ Make him answer,  _ the dragon’s voice was whispering in her head.  _ Get the answers you crave.  _ She ignored Juris, instead stepping closer. There was something about the Darkling’s ancient power which drew her in, made it impossible to stay away. He had always possessed this power over her, and she had always loathed it. And she was slipping right back into its grip. 

The Darkling shrugged in response. “I suppose you could carve his heart out of his chest. That might do the trick just well enough.” The corners of his lips curled up. “Perhaps there is no undoing the curse he suffers.” 

Zoya’s last bit of self control snapped.  _ Then there was no reason to keep him alive.  _ Because the prospect of not having a cure for this, of Nikolai having to endure this for the rest of his life… it sent her right over the edge. She was ready to rip the Darkling’s heart out with her bare hands. 

But was yanked back suddenly, Nikolai having grabbed her wrist with enough force to make her stumble. “Have you lost your mind, Nazyalensky,” he hissed under his breath, dragging her away from the Darkling. “You said you could handle it!” 

Zoya snatched her arm away from his grip, refusing to turn and look at him. Her eyes were pinned to the Darkling. To that  _ look,  _ that glimmer in his eyes. Like he had seen something he had been waiting for, and was now calculating. It was his most dangerous expression. A shiver ran down her spine. 

Nikolai noticed, as he always did, suddenly frowning. He turned, studying the Darkling’s face as well. The worried look on his face was enough to give his emotions away. 

“You made him care for you,” the Darkling observed, his gaze lingering. 

Zoya stepped away from Nikolai automatically, blocking him from the Darkling’s view. “I would advise you to shut up.” 

She was met with a wicked grin. “With the way his eyes follow you he looks like a lovesick puppy.” He was baiting her, daring her to snap again. Daring her to become reckless and reveal more knowledge which he could use against them. 

Zoya felt the lightning prickling under her skin.  _ Patience,  _ Juris drawled.  _ Not today. Another day.  _ She felt the sudden urge to rip the amplifier off her wrist only to make him shut up as well. 

But her silence had told the Darkling enough. “Did you seduce him like you did me, Zoya?” he purred, eyes dangerously dark. “Did you charm him into loving you?” 

Zoya didn’t dare to even glance at Nikolai, her gaze fixed on the Darkling. Never breaking her stare. She was suddenly ice cold, all anger having washed away by the memory which had come with those words. 

She remembered a different day in the war room, at a different time. It felt like she had been a different person back then. Young and cruel, and so obsessed with power that she had been blind to anything else. Especially to the Darkling’s nature. She had hardly been thinking that she meant anything to him, but it had been fun to toy with it, that snippet of his attention. 

It had began with lingering glances, batting her lashes at him whenever she was receiving orders, accidentally running into him in the training pit. And one night he had called her into the war room. 

She remembered that night, remembered the way his eyes had shone when she had slipped close to him, the candlelight throwing shadows across his ancient face. The memory had long haunted her nightmares since then.  _ How could she have been so wrong?  _

Zoya could see the remembrance in his eyes now, knew that he was thinking the same as she did. 

She had kissed him then, that night, and too many nights afterwards. Had run her fingers along his neck, peeling his clothes off, all the while thinking that she was the one who did the seducing. It had turned out that she had been very wrong about that. 

The Darkling had played with her, like he had played with Alina Starkov months later. She had thought to hold the power, but she had been young and stupid and it had only taken the Sun Summoner’s arrival to prove her very wrong. The Darkling had used her just as much as she had used him. 

Perhaps everything which had happened after that had been her punishment, a way of justice from the Saints. For being nothing more than a foolish girl who danced too close to power and had hoped to keep the Darkling on a leash. 

“You’re not even denying it?” the Darkling’s smooth voice ripped her out of the memory. “You’re not begging your king to forgive you?” 

Zoya dared to glance at Nikolai for only a second, seeing the way his jaw was clenched, the silent fury dancing in his eyes. He looked ready to crush every bone in the Darkling’s body. She had never told him. Had never thought she would need to. 

Now Zoya was only glad to be standing between Nikolai and the Darkling. Her voice was too much on edge when she spoke. “You either give an answer now,” she concluded, stepping closer. “Or I’ll happily shove you back into that cell of yours.” 

The Darkling considered her words for a moment, studying her so intensely that she felt exposed under his gaze. A certain gleam returned to his eyes. “You care for him as well, don’t you?”    
_ Patience,  _ the dragon roared. Zoya didn’t hear him. She didn’t hear anything except the Darkling’s voice. 

“What if I told him the only way was a bullet to the heart? Would you be ready to help him then?”  
  
This time Nikolai wasn’t there to hold her back as Zoya snapped, feeling the tether on her powers slip loose. Her hands were pressed to the Darkling’s throat, lightning already dancing at her fingertips.  _ It would be so easy…  _ She pressed down at his skin. “I wouldn’t say another word if I were you,” she whispered, and for a second, there was perhaps genuine fear in the Darkling’s eyes. 

He had never seen her summon lightning before and yet she was sure he must feel the voltage across her skin right now. He had suddenly fallen silent. 

“ _ Zoya,”  _ Nikolai’s voice cut through the tension, making her return to her senses. “Step away.” It was a direct command. 

She hesitated, letting a few seconds pass. Watching the uncertainty on the Darkling’s face. Savouring every second of it. 

Then she stepped away, calling back her powers. A small gust of wind knocked over some glasses on the table as the rest of her anger searched for a way to release itself. 

But she didn't dare to look at Nikolai. She turned to hide her face as Tamar came to drag the Darkling back to his cell, because apparently they were not going to learn anything from him today anyway. 

The door fell shut behind them, and Nikolai wasted no time. “Have you completely lost your mind, Nazyalensky?” he hissed, stepping in front of her so she was forced to look at him. She could see the anger on his face now, the anger he had concealed so perfectly before. “He got under your skin,” he added, and suddenly there was an edge to his voice she had never heard before.  _ Jealousy,  _ she realized. He really was jealous right now, out of all the problems they had. 

Zoya lifted her chin, forcing herself to meet Nikolai’s gaze. “The Darkling knows what to do, we only need to get him to talk-” 

He interrupted. “And you thought the way to do that was  _ by burning him alive _ ?” 

For a moment she was taken aback. Nikolai never lost his temper. She had tried to make him snap in arguments before, but he had always been perfectly composed, always been calm and collected. He had never even as much as raised his voice. 

Somehow, his sudden outburst made her even more angry. “At least we would have gotten some answers this way,” she snapped back, crossing her arms defensively. Why did she suddenly feel like the enemy?   
Nikolai clenched his jaw. “Were the things he said true?” His voice was dangerously heated. “Because the next time he says anything like that-” 

Zoya took a sharp breath, suddenly realizing  _ what  _ part of the Darkling’s speech had sent Nikolai right over the edge. The part about her. “Nikolai-” she began, trying to find the right words to explain that out of all the things they had to worry about, her relationship with the Darkling was not one of them. 

But how could she explain? How could she explain that the only reason she had been with the Darkling had been to test her power, to test how far she could push him before burning herself. How could she ever tell him that nothing had ever meant anything before she met Nikolai. 

“Were they true?” Nikolai repeated his question now, still with the same sharpness in his voice. Apparently he was really going to make her say it out loud. 

But Zoya refused to cower. “Yes,” she replied, never taking her eyes off Nikolai’s face. Off the rage which was now burning behind his eyes. 

For a moment he was silent. Very unlike for Nikolai, who usually had an answer for anything. And yet he seemed to be looking for words. “He didn’t just mention it to tick you off then?” he said eventually, his voice frustrated, like he needed to try very hard not to explode. His jaw was clenched so tightly that it might snap any moment. 

Zoya felt a shiver run down her spine. She had never seen Nikolai act like this. “No,” she said slowly. “He mentioned it to tick  _ you  _ off. Because he took one look at us and knew everything.” Because observing was what the Darkling did best, what made him so dangerous. He spend time observing his enemies’ weaknesses, and then used them against them in the most cruel way. He had done the exact thing to Genya years ago. 

Nikolai looked up at the words, for a moment staring at her in silence. And then he was moving, so quickly that Zoya was caught off guard as his lips were suddenly against hers, with enough force to make her stumble back. He pressed her against the table, Zoya gripping his shoulders to avoid falling over. 

“Nikolai,” she gasped, barely able to think straight anymore. The heat of his body trapped her against the table and she had no way to regain her composure with him so close. 

His lips traveled down the side of her neck, leaving an array of shivers behind. “Next time he says anything like that,” he breathed against her skin. “I’ll crush every bone in his body.” 

Zoya couldn’t help the laugh which escaped her lips as he pushed her onto the table and she wrapped her legs around his torso, drawing him closer. “I’d gladly do that myself,” she replied, already out of breath. 

She hated this most about any of this, this effect Nikolai was having on her. Zoya didn’t desire. She didn’t get flustered or sidetracked only because someone was kissing her. And yet, this man had turned her entire world around. 

“You just almost did,” Nikolai commented, lips nipping at her earlobe. His hot breathing was grazing the skin of her neck. 

Zoya felt her eyes fluttering shut as she dug her nails into his shoulders, trying to hold herself together. “If only you had not stopped me,” she got out, taking a shaky breath. He was driving her insane. 

His lips returned to her own and she wrapped her arms around his neck, and for a moment the world disappeared. The Darkling’s words moved to the back of her mind and her entire head seemed to clear. In that moment, she couldn’t have cared less about the future of Ravka. 

A knock on the door made their bubble burst and Zoya suddenly realized  _ where  _ they were. She pulled away, catching her breath, only now realizing that her fingers had moved down to Nikolai’s collar, unbuttoning his shirt. 

He stepped away, allowing her to slip down from the table. Zoya quickly ran a hand through her hair, trying to ignore the way her mind was spinning. Nikolai’s words were echoing through her head.  _ I’ll crush every bone in his body.  _ She felt suddenly frustrated, and she could tell that Nikolai felt the same way with how quickly he was stepping away from her, not even turning to look at her face. 

Instead he crossed the room, opening the door. “What is it?” His voice was too much on edge. 

Tamar blinked in surprise. “The Darkling is back in his cell,” she informed him, voice smooth and calm as usual. 

Zoya tried to focus, tried to ignore the treacherous thoughts in her mind. She could still feel Nikolai’s lips against her neck, his breathing on her skin, his hands in her hair. A shiver ran down her spine as she crossed her arms, as if that might help with holding herself together. 

Tamar had turned in the hallway and left, but the moment was gone. Zoya had things to take care of. She stopped next to Nikolai for a second, daring to gaze up at him. “Are we going to talk about this?” she asked quietly, and she didn’t mean the stolen kisses. But the Darkling’s words still weighing heavily on her shoulders. 

Nikolai glanced at her for only a moment, as if he was afraid to look at her for too long. Then he gave the briefest nod. “Later,” was all he said. 

Zoya forced herself to turn away, to leave. She couldn’t risk to lose her better judgement a another time today. 

oOo

Zoya was restless the rest of the day. It was dark outside when she knocked on Nikolai’s door, playing with the ends of her cuffs. She was here to get the rest of the correspondence done, she told herself. Nothing more. But she could still feel the pull from earlier tugging at her, the frustration about the interruption. 

Nikolai opened the door wordlessly, letting her step inside. He turned away instantly, hiding his expression. She knew what that meant. He was either angry or upset, and refused to let it show. Or perhaps today he was both.

Zoya stepped into the room, closing the door behind herself. She was searching for something to say. “Tamar suggested talking to the Darkling another time tomorrow,” she said eventually. Probably the exactly wrong thing. 

Nikolai didn’t even bother to turn around. “You can continue to discuss your shared past then.” His voice was completely stripped of emotion. 

He was upset.  _ Very  _ upset apparently. Zoya crossed her arms in defense. “So what?” she snapped back. “You expect me to never having shared the bed with anyone before?” 

A shadow passed over his face. “I didn’t think the Darkling would be among them,” he muttered. “But good enough. You can pick up right where you left off.” 

Now he was getting unfair. Zoya felt fresh anger rising to the surface, stepping closer. She didn’t care that he was the king in that moment. “You have no right to be upset about this,” she snapped at him. Anger was better than pain. Better than tears. 

Nikolai huffed. “You’re right. I don’t even know why I care.” 

The words hit its mark. Zoya stepped back, suddenly cold. She felt the unwelcome sensation of tears in her eyes. “Do you realize that this is exactly what the Darkling wanted?” she said quietly. 

Nikolai’s expression was strained. Of course he knew. He took an exasperated breath. “You hesitated,” he said eventually. 

Zoya blinked. “What?”

“You had your hands at his throat. And then you hesitated.” For the first time Nikolai lifted his head to look at her. “Are you still attached to the Darkling?” 

Zoya was too surprised to answer for a moment. She remembered all the nights she had been lying awake, fantasizing about her revenge. About vengeance for Liliyana. For the Second Army. She had killed the Darkling in her dreams every night since. And she had not been as gentle as Alina Starkov. “No,” she said eventually. Out of all things, jealousy was what they needed the least right now. 

Nikolai looked only partly convinced. “Then why hesitate? You could have killed him before I even said a word.” 

Zoya shook her head. Apparently he really didn’t understand anything. “He is the only one who can help us get rid of the monster. I did it for  _ you. _ ” She turned away, not able to look at him any longer. He didn’t want to understand anyway. 

She could hear Nikolai sigh, saw him drop his gaze from the corner of her eyes. But she refused to turn. Refused to give in. This was not her fault. Zoya would have put the Darkling in the ground long ago if it had not been for his sake. 

Quite honestly, she had expected Nikolai to give in. He was much better at realizing his mistakes than Zoya, and he even offered the occasional apology. 

What she had not expected was that he would suddenly reach for her and force her to turn around, pressing his lips to hers faster than she could react. 

Zoya felt the familiar heat in the kiss, a spark of the earlier frustration from the war room. She opened her lips under his, cursing herself a fool for giving in so easily. For yielding to his touch. And yet she couldn’t resist when he wrapped his arms around her waist, easily picking her up, pushing her down on the bed. 

Nikolai’s lips nipped at her jaw, spreading kisses along her neck. Zoya sank back into the pillows, already breathing unevenly. It had only been a day, and she had still missed this. As foolish as that might be. 

Her fingers moved to unbutton his shirt, but Nikolai caught her wrist, instead pinning her in place with his body. “Tell me you don’t have any loyalty left for the Darkling.” His eyes were unusually dark. 

Zoya stared up at him. “Have you lost your mind-” 

He pressed a kiss to her lips, so desperate that it made her head swim. “Just answer.” 

Zoya was gasping when they pulled apart this time. Her lungs could barely take in enough air for her to speak. “I don’t have any loyalty left for the Darkling.” The truth. She just didn’t like the fact that Nikolai apparently needed to hear it confirmed. 

He returned his attention to her throat, spreading kisses along her skin. “You never told me,” he breathed, and even then she could hear the frustration. The anger from earlier. 

“It’s not exactly my favourite topic,” Zoya muttered, at last pulling free from Nikolai’s grip on her wrist. She brushed the shirt off his shoulders, letting her fingers run across the bare skin. Even then could she feel his tension. 

Nikolai nipped at the spot right above her collarbone, teeth grazing her skin. “Did it mean anything?” He was sure to leave bruises behind. 

Zoya felt her eyes fluttering shut, tilting her head back to allow him better access to her throat. “No,” she replied, voice shaking. 

“Then why do it?” Nikolai pulled the blue silk of the  _ kefta  _ away, letting it pool down to her hips. 

He was really going to make her say it, apparently. Zoya pressed her lips together, swallowing a moan as Nikolai went lower, kissing across her chest, his hands… She took a slow breath. This was killing her. “Because I wanted his power.” The truth, however ugly it was. 

Nikolai suddenly stopped, lips leaving her skin. He gazed at her for a moment, studying her. When he kissed her this time it was softer, slowly, devouring. Zoya’s hands brushed along his neck, along the lines of his chest. 

Nikolai broke free, leaning his forehead against hers. His hot breathing brushed over her lips. “You’re mine, Nazyalensky,” he whispered, and it sounded like a promise. “And we will take on the Darkling. Together.” 

Zoya felt her breath hitch, but she nodded. “Together,” she repeated. 

Another promise. Sealed onto her skin with Nikolai’s lips. 


End file.
